What Lies Beneath
What lies beneath the shadow of the Moon? A celestial body eclipsed in obscurity,
do it’s secrets thrive in the opacity of isolation as it casts its shadow on those rapt with adoration, those that would venerate this heavenly being
What lies beneath the Ocean’s depths where sunlight fears to tread. This abyssal plain that teams with life and realms unknown where mysteries abound. What cryptic symbols do its crystalline waters reveal, what inspiring rhymes does it possess
What lies beneath the radiant Sun at dawn, this giver of life and creation. It rises in the East a beacon on the horizon bringing forth the new day and baring the standard of hope with its incandescent luster. Its intensity enkindles all with that which is its nature; enthusiasm, excitement, exhilaration.
What lies beneath the Star nestled in celestial spaces. One of many but unique is this enigma, laden in luminescent energy. Its arcane aura animates and enlivens the darkest of souls. It is able to inflame and electrify from its lofty perch but in the darkness what light does it itself seek.
From the turmoil of a raging storm the Rainbow does break but what treasures lay beneath this prism’s sorted colors. What illusion is this that ensnares the heart in a flight of fantasy, a hallucination of a fool's paradise?
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Come Undone
An Excerpt of a Novel (work in Progress)
Prologue
My name is Nicholas James Cavanaugh III and this is my last will and testament. Maybe that is not accurate, after all I have nothing left to bequeath, no legacy to leave behind, and no one to leave it to if I did. Let us call it instead my famous last words. Or perhaps we should call it what it truly is, the need to think of something other than what it is going to feel like to have electricity course through my body until I am dead. The desperate need to make sense of it all even now at the bitter end when truth or reason no longer matter if they ever did. Cynical, you say? Well yes I suppose it is. But then I am on death row for a crime I did not commit. I know what you are thinking, I see it in your eyes, you think me guilty, and after all every man on this cell block would proclaim his innocence. But in my case I swear to you it is the truth. Perhaps I should tell you my story then? Is that not why you came? It is long in the telling, but after all I have nothing but time.
It all began in … well I am not quite sure where it truly began. How do we know what events in our lives seal our fate and place us on the path to destruction? Perhaps for me it was the day I met Leann. Had we not met that day by a chance meeting a college café would she still be alive today? Would I still be sitting here in this dank cell waiting to die? These are the two questions among many that haunt me the most, for they can never be answered.
Chapter 1
Yes I think that is where my tragedy began, the day I met Leann. But I will not take you back that far. I shall begin four years after I met Leann. We had both recently graduated college, I with a Masters in Psychology and she with a Bachelors in Art. We had taken a small but cozy apartment in the city. Funny how residents of Manhattan always refer to it simply as “the city” as if everyone on the planet automatically knows to which city you are referring. I had found a job with a small research facility though my true dream was to work as a criminal psychologist. You know a profiler like you see on television. But at the time I felt my dreams could wait. The money was good and I did not want Leann to work. She wanted to be an artist and artists needed time to create. She painted, I worked. We were happy then. In fact those were the happiest times of my life. Leann was the love of my life, my soul mate. I loved her more than life itself…I suppose I always will. Funny how quickly things can change. One minute your life is so perfect and then it all vanishes before your very eyes the next…
October 31st, 1985
“Working late again?” Leann tried to mask her disappointment as she looked down at her watch. It was already after five. Nick had been working late more and more recently. Leann missed him but did not complain. She knew they needed the money.
“A little.” he replied from the other end of the line. His voice was light and cheerful as it always was, but there was something more in his tone. Excitement. “I am leaving soon though, how fast can you slip into your best dress and meet me up town?”
“Depends.” she answered with a laugh, “What’s in it for me?”
“I made us reservations for seven at Rivelli’s. Interested?” he asked playfully. It was her favorite restaurant and one that was normally out of their price range. But tonight was a special occasion. “Very interested.” Leann moved the receiver to her other ear. “In fact this is great because I have some wonderful news…this can be our celebration dinner.”
“News? What news?” he pried, “Did you make a sale?”
“Nope, I’m not telling, not until dinner.” she shook her head even though he could not see the gesture.
“Not even a hint?” he pouted.
“See you at nine.” she replied in answer.
“Ok, see you at nine then. Love you.”
“Love you too.” she lowered the receiver to hang it up but heard his voice calling her back. “What? I’m not telling you until dinner.” she laughed, returning the receiver to her ear once more.
“I just wanted to say be careful…it’s Halloween and a full moon, the crazies will be out.”
******************
Several hours later found Nick moving hurriedly down the sidewalk. A chill was in the air, the autumn breeze ripping at his open suit jacket and his hair. Around him people moved as New Yorkers usually do, in a hurry. Children in costumes moved through the crowd, an endless parade of pirates, fairy princesses, skeletons, and countless other characters. Nick looked down at his watch again. It was already quarter past nine, he was late. Leann would scold him for it, as she always did. He was always late for everything.
He arrived at the glass doors of Rivelli’s restaurant a few moments later. He hesitated just out side the entrance and dug his hand into his left jacket pocket. Finding it empty he had a sudden surge of panic. He slid his hand into the right side pocket and breathed a sigh of relief as his finger tips brushed across the small velvet covered box.
The doorman opened the door for him and Nick ventured inside, thankful to be out of the brisk night air. He was escorted to his private table and surprised to find that Leann had not yet arrived. She was usually early so it at first puzzled him. But then he realized with the increased traffic due to Halloween party goers and children trick or treating Leann had probably just gotten held up. Nick ordered the best bottle of champagne on the menu confident Leann would be there any moment. He past the time while waiting by rehearsing in his mind over and over the words he would use when he asked her to marry him.
A half hour had passed before he started to get the feeling something was wrong. He went to the lobby and phoned the apartment they shared but there was no answer. He returned to the table, telling himself she had probably left late, she probably could not decide what dress to wear or which shoes.
Another half hour passed. He knew she should have arrived by now, their apartment was not far. But still he waited. It was not until the ice in the champagne bucket was all but melted that he allowed himself to believe the unthinkable.
Nick left the restaurant and hailed a cab. He tipped the driver an extra fifty to get him there as fast as possible.
He burst into the apartment calling her name though he already knew there would be no answer. The apartment looked as it always did, neat and organized. But the feeling in the place was all wrong. It felt cold, empty. Leann’s easel stood in a corner of the living room. He lightly touched the canvas and found that the paint was still slightly tacky. She must have been painting earlier when he had phoned from work. He went into the bedroom and found several dresses spread across the bed and even more pairs of shoes scattered in the floor. He smiled despite himself, picturing Leann changing from outfit to outfit trying to find the perfect dress to wear. Nick opened up the closet and several dresser drawers. All of her belongings were there. He entered the bathroom and found her makeup and curling iron spread across the counter top.
He could only assume she had indeed left the apartment heading to the restaurant. He stood there trying to decide if she would have taken a cab or the subway when a thought occurred to him. He quickly went back into the living room. His heart sank as he looked upon the little table by the front door. There laid Leann’s purse where she always laid it when she came through the door. If she had left the apartment with out her purse then she had left against her will.
I can not explain to you how it felt to see that purse laying there then, where I had seen it lay a thousand times. I think it was at that exact moment that I knew she was dead. But your mind doesn’t work quite that way when you are faced with the death of someone you love. I told myself she would be alright, and I allowed myself to believe it. My mind insisted there was a logical explanation for why she had left with out her purse and why she was a no show for dinner. But I knew. Deep down, I knew.
The police arrived at the apartment over an hour later. It took a considerable amount of coaxing from Nick to get them there at all. A person must be missing for over twenty-four hours before the authorities will consider them actually missing unless there is evidence of foul play. Unfortunately a pocket book being left behind is not evidence of foul play. And much to Nick’s dismay it was insinuated that perhaps Leann had merely decided to end their relationship and had left. Nick further explained that all of Leann’s belongings were still in the apartment, along with her suitcase. He insisted and even begged. And it was probably more out of pity than belief that the female dispatcher finally sent out a patrol unit to check it out.
Two officers responded to the dispatch and arrived on the scene. An officer Reid and his new partner officer Ryan. Reid was an old timer, he had walked his beat for years before being put on patrol duty. He had seen it all. Ryan was the new kid, fresh from the academy.
Reid took a quick walk through the apartment and finding no sign of a struggle or anything out of the ordinary he returned to the front door. He expression was one of boredom, he had already decided it was a simply case of unrequited love. This guy’s girlfriend and took off on him, it was as simply as that. Ryan, being a rookie, took the situation much more seriously. He asked Nick a series of questions, writing down the responses in a little black book. Reid found it humorous and a waste of time but let Ryan carry on anyway. It was good practice for the new kid, practice for the real crimes.
“I want to take one more look in the bedroom if I may?” Ryan asked, snapping his book closed and shoving it in his shirt pocket. The question was asked to Nick but Ryan looked over at Reid almost asking him for permission. Reid looked impatient to go but nodded his approval.
Ryan disappeared from the room. It was but a moment later when his soft voice echoed out into the living room. “Hey Sarg. … better come take a look at this.”
Reid sighed and rolled his eyes, “You wait here.” he ordered Nick on his way into the bedroom.
“Well I’ll be dammed” Nick heard Reid’s voice from the other room, and then, “Good eye Ryan.”
Nick headed in the direction of the bedroom but his steps were halted as the two officers came back into the living room. Ryan was holding something in his hand with a handkerchief.
“We found several small drops of blood in the bedroom…have any explanation of how they got there?” Reid asked Nick, not suddenly interested.
“Blood? Where?…No.” he stammered, his fears becoming fully realized.
“Did you know that your girlfriend was pregnant?” This time it was Ryan asking the question. And Nick realized what the officer held in his hand, a pregnancy test “I found this in the bathroom trash.”
“No I didn’t” he replied, his voice barely a whisper, realizing that was the news she intended to tell him over dinner. Not only was the woman he loved missing, but so was their child. Nick sank down onto the sofa, his head in his hands. In his fear and grief he barely registered the officers telling him that he was going to have to come down town with them for questioning.
To say I was in a daze when they questioned me would be an understatement. But I remember becoming quite angry at one time. I demanded to know why they kept questioning me when Leann and my unborn child were out there somewhere. They were wasting time. Everyone knows the first twenty four hours of a kidnapping are crucial. If the victim is not found by then they are seldom not found alive again. Of course the police thought they had the one responsible. Me. Why is it that they always point the finger at the boyfriend or spouse first? How could they even consider that I would hurt Leann? Didn’t they know she was the love of my life? No they didn’t know, nor did they care.
The investigation went on for months, I would like to say they were the most hellish months of my life but you know things can and do get worse even when you think they can’t possibly get any worse. They never found Leann’s body but she was presumed dead, my unborn child right along with her. I have often wondered over the years if it would have been a boy with green eyes like my own or perhaps a girl with her mother’s beautiful red hair.
The police collected some evidence but I was told by my lawyer not to worry, it was not enough to convict me. And as it turned out he was right. They never even officially arrested me. With no other leads the case came to a dead end with me. The love of my life ended up just another cold case kept in a file somewhere, kept company by countless other unsolved crimes. The families of kidnapping victims will tell you the worst part is not knowing. Never having that closure, always hoping they will return to you. You know in your heart they are gone, dead, but still you go through your life always clinging to that hope. It is true, the pain of not knowing is a cruel, almost unbearable thing to endure. But sometimes … sometimes you are much better off not knowing.
Prologue
My name is Nicholas James Cavanaugh III and this is my last will and testament. Maybe that is not accurate, after all I have nothing left to bequeath, no legacy to leave behind, and no one to leave it to if I did. Let us call it instead my famous last words. Or perhaps we should call it what it truly is, the need to think of something other than what it is going to feel like to have electricity course through my body until I am dead. The desperate need to make sense of it all even now at the bitter end when truth or reason no longer matter if they ever did. Cynical, you say? Well yes I suppose it is. But then I am on death row for a crime I did not commit. I know what you are thinking, I see it in your eyes, you think me guilty, and after all every man on this cell block would proclaim his innocence. But in my case I swear to you it is the truth. Perhaps I should tell you my story then? Is that not why you came? It is long in the telling, but after all I have nothing but time.
It all began in … well I am not quite sure where it truly began. How do we know what events in our lives seal our fate and place us on the path to destruction? Perhaps for me it was the day I met Leann. Had we not met that day by a chance meeting a college café would she still be alive today? Would I still be sitting here in this dank cell waiting to die? These are the two questions among many that haunt me the most, for they can never be answered.
Chapter 1
Yes I think that is where my tragedy began, the day I met Leann. But I will not take you back that far. I shall begin four years after I met Leann. We had both recently graduated college, I with a Masters in Psychology and she with a Bachelors in Art. We had taken a small but cozy apartment in the city. Funny how residents of Manhattan always refer to it simply as “the city” as if everyone on the planet automatically knows to which city you are referring. I had found a job with a small research facility though my true dream was to work as a criminal psychologist. You know a profiler like you see on television. But at the time I felt my dreams could wait. The money was good and I did not want Leann to work. She wanted to be an artist and artists needed time to create. She painted, I worked. We were happy then. In fact those were the happiest times of my life. Leann was the love of my life, my soul mate. I loved her more than life itself…I suppose I always will. Funny how quickly things can change. One minute your life is so perfect and then it all vanishes before your very eyes the next…
October 31st, 1985
“Working late again?” Leann tried to mask her disappointment as she looked down at her watch. It was already after five. Nick had been working late more and more recently. Leann missed him but did not complain. She knew they needed the money.
“A little.” he replied from the other end of the line. His voice was light and cheerful as it always was, but there was something more in his tone. Excitement. “I am leaving soon though, how fast can you slip into your best dress and meet me up town?”
“Depends.” she answered with a laugh, “What’s in it for me?”
“I made us reservations for seven at Rivelli’s. Interested?” he asked playfully. It was her favorite restaurant and one that was normally out of their price range. But tonight was a special occasion. “Very interested.” Leann moved the receiver to her other ear. “In fact this is great because I have some wonderful news…this can be our celebration dinner.”
“News? What news?” he pried, “Did you make a sale?”
“Nope, I’m not telling, not until dinner.” she shook her head even though he could not see the gesture.
“Not even a hint?” he pouted.
“See you at nine.” she replied in answer.
“Ok, see you at nine then. Love you.”
“Love you too.” she lowered the receiver to hang it up but heard his voice calling her back. “What? I’m not telling you until dinner.” she laughed, returning the receiver to her ear once more.
“I just wanted to say be careful…it’s Halloween and a full moon, the crazies will be out.”
******************
Several hours later found Nick moving hurriedly down the sidewalk. A chill was in the air, the autumn breeze ripping at his open suit jacket and his hair. Around him people moved as New Yorkers usually do, in a hurry. Children in costumes moved through the crowd, an endless parade of pirates, fairy princesses, skeletons, and countless other characters. Nick looked down at his watch again. It was already quarter past nine, he was late. Leann would scold him for it, as she always did. He was always late for everything.
He arrived at the glass doors of Rivelli’s restaurant a few moments later. He hesitated just out side the entrance and dug his hand into his left jacket pocket. Finding it empty he had a sudden surge of panic. He slid his hand into the right side pocket and breathed a sigh of relief as his finger tips brushed across the small velvet covered box.
The doorman opened the door for him and Nick ventured inside, thankful to be out of the brisk night air. He was escorted to his private table and surprised to find that Leann had not yet arrived. She was usually early so it at first puzzled him. But then he realized with the increased traffic due to Halloween party goers and children trick or treating Leann had probably just gotten held up. Nick ordered the best bottle of champagne on the menu confident Leann would be there any moment. He past the time while waiting by rehearsing in his mind over and over the words he would use when he asked her to marry him.
A half hour had passed before he started to get the feeling something was wrong. He went to the lobby and phoned the apartment they shared but there was no answer. He returned to the table, telling himself she had probably left late, she probably could not decide what dress to wear or which shoes.
Another half hour passed. He knew she should have arrived by now, their apartment was not far. But still he waited. It was not until the ice in the champagne bucket was all but melted that he allowed himself to believe the unthinkable.
Nick left the restaurant and hailed a cab. He tipped the driver an extra fifty to get him there as fast as possible.
He burst into the apartment calling her name though he already knew there would be no answer. The apartment looked as it always did, neat and organized. But the feeling in the place was all wrong. It felt cold, empty. Leann’s easel stood in a corner of the living room. He lightly touched the canvas and found that the paint was still slightly tacky. She must have been painting earlier when he had phoned from work. He went into the bedroom and found several dresses spread across the bed and even more pairs of shoes scattered in the floor. He smiled despite himself, picturing Leann changing from outfit to outfit trying to find the perfect dress to wear. Nick opened up the closet and several dresser drawers. All of her belongings were there. He entered the bathroom and found her makeup and curling iron spread across the counter top.
He could only assume she had indeed left the apartment heading to the restaurant. He stood there trying to decide if she would have taken a cab or the subway when a thought occurred to him. He quickly went back into the living room. His heart sank as he looked upon the little table by the front door. There laid Leann’s purse where she always laid it when she came through the door. If she had left the apartment with out her purse then she had left against her will.
I can not explain to you how it felt to see that purse laying there then, where I had seen it lay a thousand times. I think it was at that exact moment that I knew she was dead. But your mind doesn’t work quite that way when you are faced with the death of someone you love. I told myself she would be alright, and I allowed myself to believe it. My mind insisted there was a logical explanation for why she had left with out her purse and why she was a no show for dinner. But I knew. Deep down, I knew.
The police arrived at the apartment over an hour later. It took a considerable amount of coaxing from Nick to get them there at all. A person must be missing for over twenty-four hours before the authorities will consider them actually missing unless there is evidence of foul play. Unfortunately a pocket book being left behind is not evidence of foul play. And much to Nick’s dismay it was insinuated that perhaps Leann had merely decided to end their relationship and had left. Nick further explained that all of Leann’s belongings were still in the apartment, along with her suitcase. He insisted and even begged. And it was probably more out of pity than belief that the female dispatcher finally sent out a patrol unit to check it out.
Two officers responded to the dispatch and arrived on the scene. An officer Reid and his new partner officer Ryan. Reid was an old timer, he had walked his beat for years before being put on patrol duty. He had seen it all. Ryan was the new kid, fresh from the academy.
Reid took a quick walk through the apartment and finding no sign of a struggle or anything out of the ordinary he returned to the front door. He expression was one of boredom, he had already decided it was a simply case of unrequited love. This guy’s girlfriend and took off on him, it was as simply as that. Ryan, being a rookie, took the situation much more seriously. He asked Nick a series of questions, writing down the responses in a little black book. Reid found it humorous and a waste of time but let Ryan carry on anyway. It was good practice for the new kid, practice for the real crimes.
“I want to take one more look in the bedroom if I may?” Ryan asked, snapping his book closed and shoving it in his shirt pocket. The question was asked to Nick but Ryan looked over at Reid almost asking him for permission. Reid looked impatient to go but nodded his approval.
Ryan disappeared from the room. It was but a moment later when his soft voice echoed out into the living room. “Hey Sarg. … better come take a look at this.”
Reid sighed and rolled his eyes, “You wait here.” he ordered Nick on his way into the bedroom.
“Well I’ll be dammed” Nick heard Reid’s voice from the other room, and then, “Good eye Ryan.”
Nick headed in the direction of the bedroom but his steps were halted as the two officers came back into the living room. Ryan was holding something in his hand with a handkerchief.
“We found several small drops of blood in the bedroom…have any explanation of how they got there?” Reid asked Nick, not suddenly interested.
“Blood? Where?…No.” he stammered, his fears becoming fully realized.
“Did you know that your girlfriend was pregnant?” This time it was Ryan asking the question. And Nick realized what the officer held in his hand, a pregnancy test “I found this in the bathroom trash.”
“No I didn’t” he replied, his voice barely a whisper, realizing that was the news she intended to tell him over dinner. Not only was the woman he loved missing, but so was their child. Nick sank down onto the sofa, his head in his hands. In his fear and grief he barely registered the officers telling him that he was going to have to come down town with them for questioning.
To say I was in a daze when they questioned me would be an understatement. But I remember becoming quite angry at one time. I demanded to know why they kept questioning me when Leann and my unborn child were out there somewhere. They were wasting time. Everyone knows the first twenty four hours of a kidnapping are crucial. If the victim is not found by then they are seldom not found alive again. Of course the police thought they had the one responsible. Me. Why is it that they always point the finger at the boyfriend or spouse first? How could they even consider that I would hurt Leann? Didn’t they know she was the love of my life? No they didn’t know, nor did they care.
The investigation went on for months, I would like to say they were the most hellish months of my life but you know things can and do get worse even when you think they can’t possibly get any worse. They never found Leann’s body but she was presumed dead, my unborn child right along with her. I have often wondered over the years if it would have been a boy with green eyes like my own or perhaps a girl with her mother’s beautiful red hair.
The police collected some evidence but I was told by my lawyer not to worry, it was not enough to convict me. And as it turned out he was right. They never even officially arrested me. With no other leads the case came to a dead end with me. The love of my life ended up just another cold case kept in a file somewhere, kept company by countless other unsolved crimes. The families of kidnapping victims will tell you the worst part is not knowing. Never having that closure, always hoping they will return to you. You know in your heart they are gone, dead, but still you go through your life always clinging to that hope. It is true, the pain of not knowing is a cruel, almost unbearable thing to endure. But sometimes … sometimes you are much better off not knowing.
Introduction
I have been a lover of words since I was old enough to read them and put them together. I have been writing stories and poetry ever since.
I have created this blog as place to share my work with others and also to meet and interact with others who enjoy the craft of writing.
I have created this blog as place to share my work with others and also to meet and interact with others who enjoy the craft of writing.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)